A Survivor’s Song

My mind flashes back to a time when I was trapped in a marriage over-shadowed by abuse.


As tragic as it may be, there are many women in the world who are being beaten, abused not only physically but emotionally and psychologically as well. Even as you read this article, the cycle of abuse continues. I know this cycle firsthand. I'm a survivor.


Many people wonder how women (or men for that matter) find themselves in such relationships. The trouble is they don't typically start off like that; it's quite the opposite. The victims are pursued and charmed with promises of the good life ahead. The (future) abusers try all they can to deliver the moon and stars. And the odd thing is they believe it as much as the other party so the abuse really comes as a surprise. In my case, I married someone I knew since I was 12 years old. His family was friends with my family, I thought I knew him. As it turns out I only knew about him, and since I am writing this story as a survivor, I obviously didn't know him. But I loved him and he was going to be my life partner...forever.


We were okay until about one year into our marriage, when I found out I was pregnant. I remember crying at the news, not because I was unhappy but because I was scared, I knew this was something my husband did not want. He wanted an abortion, I wanted my baby. And thus, the abuse began. And even then, when my friend would tell me to walk out of that relationship, I still believed it could work. "I love him... he loves me... I have a family now... I married him and marriage is supposed to last forever... He will change...it will change".


Well, it did change. It got worse. Three months after having my beautiful baby boy, he hit me in the stomach (I was still healing from a C-section). I was told by him that if I paid more attention to the baby than I did to him, it meant I didn't love him. After one of many violent episodes, I was taken to the emergency room. It was around that time when the doctors told me that due to the injuries I had sustained, I had lost the curvature of my neck for life. It wasn't until I was told from the people in the emergency room, "If you don't walk away now, next time you won't be able to tell the story because you would have been killed" that I was able to get away. And for some reason that was my turning point. I don't know why the other occasions were not enough and this one was, but I am just grateful that it finally happened. I decided to stop fighting for my marriage and to start fighting for my life!


I thought about my son and the life he would have to live if I stayed in that environment. I was devastated; I didn't know who I was anymore; I was already dead inside. But my son was a new life and what I couldn't do for myself - I was able to do for him. Through the Grace of God and loving people around me, I was able to get out. Although we struggled through many hard times (sleeping in cars, moving from place to place...), I was finally able to get my life back. I was finally able to give my son a mom; a whole and complete person. 13 years later, I can say I am better off being a single mom and alive, than dying in the arms of a man. I have big dreams and that is something I thought I had lost during a time when I lived a nightmare. I am blessed to be alive and not just breathing. Only God could reach into that dark abyss to save me. Only God could make a change like that!


I am not saying everything is perfect. Being a single mom is one of the greatest challenges in life, and my son has been greatly affected. But we are not alone. We have God who is our shelter and protection, with His loving arms that hold us close and the godly friends He has put in our lives to encourage us along the way.


I pray that my story brings a message of hope and encouragement for those who suffer from watching loved ones in similar situations, as well as to those who can relate because they are in that situation now. Above all don't turn from God in times of despair; one touch of God is all you need to shatter the darkness!


Focus on God first and all the things that are missing in your life will come along, in HIS time. Ask (the right way and for the right reason), Believe (don't lose your faith in God and if you do, ask God to restore your faith and hope in Him), and receive (every day, thank the Lord your God for what he has in store for you).


Count your blessings for they are many. There is nothing that God does not understand. He knew you before you were formed in your mother's womb; He knows your needs and even when we think we don't have it all, if we have Jesus in our lives, we have it all!