"To everything there is a season,
and time for every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
"Please, Mom?
Please?" At some time or another, children beg for a pet. They want a
puppy, a kitty, or a hamster more than anything else in the world. And so they
make rash promises. "I'll take care of it! I promise!" But the
answering parent invariably uses the R word. "I don't think you're ready
for the responsibility yet." All the child can see is the idealistic side
of pet ownership. They want a pet to cuddle and play with and teach to do
clever tricks. All the parent can see is the amount of work to be acquired with
this new responsibility. Where a child sees an adorable puppy, the parent sees
vet bills, walks in the rain, and soiled carpeting.
As a single mom, the last thing on my mind is to have the responsibility of a
pet. Especially when I don't have the space or the money to take on such
responsibility. But my son wanted a pet so bad; I shared with him how much
responsibility he would have along with having a pet.
What is true with a
puppy, is true in every area of life. With every new acquisition we make comes
the responsibility to keep it up. This holds true with our use of time. Some
things sound good at first - signing the kids up for soccer, joining a
book club, teaching a preschool class on Sundays, and volunteering to bake
cookies for the third grade bake sale. Sure there's nothing wrong with any of
these things. But with each comes commitment of time and shuffling of our other
responsibilities. There are never enough hours in the day for all the things we
wish we could accomplish. But there is only so much you can physically do in
one day. So we have to pick and choose. A balance must be struck between what
time we have and what responsibilities fill the hours.
It is crucial to be able to balance our time and responsibilities when we have
to fill in the shoes of two parents. And it is very important that we teach this
to our children, by setting an example, and by showing them as well. My son
thought he was ready for this. "I will give him a bath, feed him and play
with him." He didn't realize that having a puppy is like having a baby.
There are some sacrifices that were going to take place for the puppy to have a
good life.
I prayed, and thought about it for so long. I knew that in the end if we got a
puppy, we were not going to be able to keep him for a long time. But I needed
to teach my son that sometimes we have to pick and choose. There are so many
things we want as women, but we have to make some sacrifices for our children's
well being. For whatever reason, we are faced with the biggest responsibility
of our lives. We are single moms who have to shuffle our daily
responsibilities, to make sure that our one biggest responsibility is taken
care of.
On Christmas of 2011, I made the decision to get my son a puppy, which luckily
was given to me for free. I told my son that I would be responsible for buying
him food, taking him to the vet, and making sure that he had all the necessary
supplies. I also told him that he would have the responsibility to care of him,
feed him, play with him, and give him all the attention he needed. Of course, I
knew that I would be part of that too.
Suddenly my son began to realize that it wasn't just about playing and teaching
tricks. Sometimes he couldn't go play outside because the puppy would cry as
soon as he walked out the door. He would come back feeling bad for the puppy,
and frustrated that he wasn't able to play outside. We couldn't have a pet
where we lived, so the puppy couldn't go outside all the time. We would have to
take him in the car, and go to a park so he could have some outdoor time. My
son also had a hard time teaching the puppy tricks although, he succeeded and
learned about perseverance and patience. He would ask me for help when the puppy
needed a bath, and so it turned out that giving the puppy a bath became my
responsibility...go figure.
Soon enough, my son realized that he wasn't ready to have a puppy. He
understood the responsibility behind it, and appreciated what I did for him. He
was very sad to let him go, but learn that we have to sacrifice some things in
life, to be able to accomplish other things that will ultimately affect our
future. In his case, part of it was having the opportunity to socialize, to be
able to focus on his homework, and play time with his legos, without having a
puppy pulling his leg or chewing on his toys.
The poor puppy didn't see us all day, as I had to work and my son went to
school. He was by himself in a small area of our apartment where he began to
have anxiety and would destroy the carpet to get some attention. When we got
home, it was hard for us to do anything else because he was so excited to see
us, and wanted our full attention.
We have a greater responsibility, with being single moms who work, clean, run
errands, help with homework, and do all the other things that we get ourselves
into. Then, we need to have quality time with our children, and at the end of
the day, we are not finished and haven't even gotten five minutes to just be
women and not just moms. It is crucial that we do not allow ourselves to lose
the balance in our lives.
I made sure we found a good home for the puppy where my son would be able to
visit him if he needed to. He learned so much from that experience and knows
that there is a time and a season for everything in life.
Very often we think
that if we can just get that one, next vital thing we want so badly, our lives
will magically fall into balance. Balancing our time and responsibilities may
start with looking for lost or wasted time. Instead of raising our shoulders
and saying, "where does time go?" we might need to take a long,
careful look at just where our time went!
Every season of life
carries with it different responsibilities. Our lives at age twenty are to a
great extend, different from our lives at forty. Each season may require
sacrifices on our part. Each season carries with it special blessings and joys.
This week instead of digging deeper into the stressors in life, dig around for
a while in your heart. What have your hopes been for each season in life? Have
you had to set some of them aside for a season? Do you ever wonder if God
is using each season to teach you something? What have you learned?
This week ponder over
your responsibilities. Do you have too many for the time you have? None of us
wants to look back with regret for the time we have spent on unimportant
things. Pray for uncommon clarity in seeing the things that truly matter. Pray
for the courage to take on responsibilities that will require much of you. And
in equal measure, pray for the courage to say no to the things that tax your
time and energy to no good purpose.
Enjoy the little moments that you share with your children today!
Feel free to share your thoughts according to your experiences. We encourage
positive thoughts, comments and ideas.
With much love,
Your Friend
@Hope for the Single Mom
 |
| Yogi
learning how to eat solid food. He will be 1yr old in three months; we still
see him from time to time. |
Inspired
by Women of Faith Study Guide Series "Living a Life of Balance"
